


To Jack, From Bittle

by foryouandbits



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: 'Swawesome Santa, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Christmas, Coming Out, Gift Giving, M/M, Pining, Snowed In, canon-typical alcohol use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 23:20:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12994719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foryouandbits/pseuds/foryouandbits
Summary: From the prompt for the ‘Swawesome Santa 2017 exchange “For some reason, the Bittles and the Zimmermanns end up spending the holidays together. Hilarity ensues.”Immediately following the events of EpiKegster 2014, Bitty prepares the Haus for his parents, who are coming to Samwell for Christmas. With a blizzard looming, Bitty ends up with not only his own family stuck in the Haus, but also Jack, who missed his morning flight, and Jack’s parents, who traveled to Samwell to retrieve their son. The six of them make the most of what they have while stuck on campus and uncover more than expected during their time together.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JustLookFrightenedAndScuttle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustLookFrightenedAndScuttle/gifts).



> This fic turned out much more heartwarming than hilarious. And specifically for this chapter and bit of the next, I touch on Jack and Parse’s fight during Parse III and Jack’s leftover anxiety from that.

Suzanne mentioned Christmas break within five minutes of their first check-in after Thanksgiving. Bitty had not gone home for the holiday; he had a full Haus of people to feed so there was no point in flying all the way home for just a day or two, knowing the hungry athletes he’d be leaving behind. Instead he prepared the entire meal for whoever was still at Samwell, the boys threw a classy Kegster, and in the morning the kitchen still smelled like stuffing.

“So, Dicky, honey,” said Suzanne. They’d barely said hello and already Bitty knew what this was going to be about. “When is your last final? Your daddy wants to go to the big camping store in the city and I told him it makes no sense to drive all the way to Atlanta right now when in just a few weeks he’s going to be out there to pick you up from the airport.”

Bitty was still in his bed. The Thanksgiving Kegster may have been a classy Kegster, with real glasses instead of red solo cups, but it was still a Kegster and Bitty’s head was swimming. Ten o’clock in the morning was entirely too early for his mother to call. The guilt of not being at home for Thanksgiving for the first time in his nineteen years of life was the only reason he picked up the phone.

“Mama,” began Bitty, “about that…”

“About that?” Suzanne immediately asked. “About that is how you started the conversation about staying up at Samwell for Thanksgiving. I know you’re nineteen and you can do whatever you want to do, but you are not staying up there for Christmas too. What is it about Massachusetts that makes you want to avoid your family?”

Bitty glanced up at the Georgia banner he’d hung above his dresser and turned in his bed to face the window, then realized it had started snowing. He sat up, slowly, cognizant of his pounding head, and looked out the window. The snow had covered the lawn and the street with a white, glistening blanket, sparkling in the light the sun shined through the thin layer of clouds. The bare trees carried a dusting on each branch and twig, contrasting their bark with a coat of soft, powdery beauty.

“Mama, if only you could see it up here,” said Bitty quietly. He touched a finger to the window pane; it was cold so he let go and sat on his bed again. “Everything’s beautiful up here. It snows and the outside just quiets, you know? It’s like you put earmuffs on the world.”

“It’s also freezing outside,” said Suzanne.

“Yeah, and that’s awful,” said Bitty, “but it’s the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen. I want to know what it’s like for Christmas. I want to take the train to New York and see the tree at Rockefeller Center. I want to ice skate outside. You can’t do that at home. So, if it’s okay, I want to stay here."

“You’re never coming back here, are you?” said Suzanne, and Bitty clutched Senor Bunny tight to him as he realized the answer to her question. “I might get you for another summer or two, but that’s it. You’re going to graduate and stay there.”

“You don’t understand, Mama,” said Bitty. “It’s different here. People are different here. I can be myself.”

“And you can’t be yourself in Georgia?” Suzanne asked.

 _I can’t even be myself around you_ , thought Bitty.

“No,” was all he said.

“Fine,” said Suzanne, “but I refuse to let you stay all by your lonesome on Christmas. Your daddy and I will come up and we’ll take you to New York.”

“Really?” Bitty asked. “Mama, that’s expensive for both of you! You don’t have to —”

“Nope, it’s settled. When you know the date of your last final, text me and we’ll book the flight,” she said. “And who knows, maybe it will be nice to see snow on Christmas.”

 

***

 

At three o’clock in the afternoon on the first day of winter break, Bitty was scrubbing puke from the underside of the toilet seat and trying desperately not to think of his captain one floor up, hiding in his room and refusing to acknowledge Bitty’s attempts to speak to him. Bitty had not attempted to knock on Jack’s door since breakfast, when he received no reply, and instead threw himself into ridding the Haus of the reek of tub juice, knowing his parents were due after dinner.

Ransom and Holster were already gone; they sneaked two slices of quiche in a napkin and escaped without Bitty even seeing them, which was actually quite impressive. Holster had never gone anywhere in his life without making a scene. Their dedication to not getting roped into cleaning was admirable. Shitty had kicked out the stragglers around nine o’clock with an airhorn and a megaphone, but he also proceeded to also leave after lunch without helping clean. Bitty hadn’t really expected the assistance, but it would have been nice to have, especially since it was mid-afternoon and the best he’d done was the visible debris, the bathrooms, and his bedroom.

He closed the lid of the toilet and flushed, then moved onto the sink, which also had puke in it. He turned up his nose and began scrubbing again, and as he did, his mind drifted up the stairs. Before the party began Jack was saying he was going to fly home to Montreal for break. Bitty remembered the conversation vividly, because he leaned against Jack’s door while Jack put on a shirt after his shower, and Bitty had the opportunity to stare at the expanse of his broad, muscular back as he did so.

“My flight’s in the morning,” Jack had said. “Hopefully this Kegster doesn’t go too late.”

“I was told it was going to be epic. You might have to stay up all night.”

“Great,” Jack had muttered, but when he’d turned and looked at Bitty’s face, he’d smiled. “It’ll be great, Bittle. You’ll have fun.”

Bitty looked at the time on his phone. Three twenty-four. Whatever time the flight was that morning, Jack had missed it.

“Did I just miss him leaving?” Bitty asked Shitty when Shitty stopped in the kitchen for quiche just before noon. “With Ransom and Holster I at least heard the front door close.”

“Nah, bruh, he’s still in there,” said Shitty with a mouth full of quiche. Bitty watched him drop crumbs onto the disgusting kitchen table. Bitty had at least cleared off the cups and cans, but there was a visible layer of sticky residue left behind from whatever activities had occurred in the kitchen over the course of the evening. Shitty stuffed the last of the crust into his mouth before he spoke again. “I tried to say goodbye but he wouldn’t let me in. What the fuck happened last night?”

Bitty remembered exactly what happened.

“I don’t know,” said Bitty.

“It’s Parse. It’s gotta be Parse,” said Shitty. “Jack doesn’t get like this anymore.”

Shitty left the kitchen grumbling and ever since Bitty hadn’t stopped thinking about what he overheard from the hallway the night before. _Everyone already knows what you are but it’s people like me who still care._ It circled in his mind, over and over, while he scrubbed the Haus clean. _You’re scared everyone else is going to find out you’re worthless, right?_ Just as the sun began to set, Bitty was able to move to his final task; mopping the floors. He was equal parts resentful and grateful they didn’t have carpeting, as the carpeting would have been ruined after last night’s debauchery. Mopping took longer than vacuuming, though, and it was pitch black outside when he made it to the living room. The green couch needed to be burned rather than cleaned, so Bitty ignored it as he mopped the hardwood floor around it.

The front door to the Haus opened. Bitty dropped his mop and rushed toward it; he didn’t understand how Jack had managed to slip all the way down the creaky stairs and right behind him to the front door, but at least he could shout a goodbye down the front steps if he were fast enough. Jack wasn’t in the foyer, though — Bitty clambered into the hallway and yelped at the sight of Bob and Alicia Zimmermann stomping their boots and dusting off their shoulders.

“Oh!” said Bitty, grabbing their attention. Bob looked the same as when Bitty met him the first time, still like a mature, grayer version of Jack with brown eyes, but he’d never actually met Alicia before. He was very familiar with her, both from how much Jack spoke of her and what Bitty had seen online. Their presence, however, was the most surprising part of this encounter in the hallway.

“Eric,” said Bob politely. He extended a hand to Bitty, who shook it. Bitty was suddenly aware he was still wearing his yellow cleaning gloves that probably had traces of puke on them.

“I’m sorry,” Bitty immediately said. “My parents are coming into town tonight and we’re staying here before we head to New York, and I wanted to make sure the place was spic and span before they arrive. The Haus is still a mess. You’re going to have to forgive me; I’m not done yet. I thought Jack was flying back to Montreal today?”

Alicia and Bob exchange a quick look before Alicia stepped forward with a forced smile.

“Eric,” she said, “I’ve heard so much about you. It’s nice to finally meet you. I’m Alicia.”

“It’s nice to meet you as well, Mrs. Zimmermann,” said Bitty, ignoring her blatant permission to call her by her first name. “Come on in. When did it start snowing?”

“It’s coming down,” said Bob. “We landed about an hour ago and it was getting pretty slick already. What time are your parents getting in?”

“At eight,” said Bitty. He looked at his phone; it was six o’clock. He had a text from his mother a half hour earlier stating that they were about to take off in Atlanta. “Hopefully this lets up so they can land. That happened to me last year; it was snowing so bad we were diverted and I had to spend the night in DC.”

“Hopefully that’s not the case tonight,” said Bob. He pushed Bitty back into the Haus with a gentle hand, and Bitty realized they were still standing next to the front door.

“Oh, look at me, not remembering my manners! Let me take your coats and I’ll hang them in the closet. Have you eaten? I have a bolognese sauce in the crock pot that’s probably ready. I can cook up the noodles now if you’re hungry. I haven’t seen Jack yet today so he’s probably up there starving to death.”

“That would be lovely, Eric,” said Alicia. “You haven’t seen Jack yet?”

Bitty glanced at the concern on her face and quickly beelined to the kitchen to avoid having to think about why it was there. “No, but I’ve been busy cleaning,” he said. “Ransom and Holster sneaked right by me this morning, so I think my mind’s been on other things.”

The tactic didn’t work; Alicia looked directly at Bob, who nodded, and she turned toward the stairs. “I’m going to go say hello,” she said. “We’ll be happy to stay for dinner, Eric, but we’ve got a flight back at nine, so we’ll probably miss seeing your parents.”

Alicia darted out of the room before Bitty could say another word, and he heard her light but hurried steps up the stairs. Bob sat down at the kitchen table, now free of quiche crumbs and sticky debris. Bitty took a pot from the cabinet and started filling it with water. Bob spoke from behind him just as Bitty set the pot onto the stove.

“I hope we didn’t scare you; we thought everyone was gone already. I heard your mop clatter when we opened the door and I knew right away it wasn’t Jack in the living room. I don’t think my son’s picked up a mop in his life.”

“That’s not true, Jack has helped me mop several times this year,” said Bitty over his shoulder. “Oh! I left the mop in the living room! Let me finish up in there real quick — can you holler if the water starts boiling?”

“Sure thing, Eric,” said Bob.

Bitty hopped across the hall and back into the living room where the mop lay haphazardly on the floor next to the bucket of soapy water. Bitty passed over the rest of the floor with less attention than he normally would give this sort of task, anxious to not leave Bob alone in the kitchen. He couldn’t hear anything from upstairs, but Jack and Alicia were both soft-spoken, and Bitty assumed that since Alicia hadn’t returned, Jack let her inside his room.

He returned to the kitchen and dumped out the dirty water into the sink before he rinsed off the mop and returned everything to the closet. “Do you have any plans for when you get home?” Bitty asked Bob.

“Nothing out of the ordinary,” said Bob. “Alicia and Jack always decorate the tree together, so we’ll finally get that up tomorrow. We usually put it up when Jack comes home for Thanksgiving, but he stayed behind this year. Neither of us are quite used to that yet.”

Bitty’s mind was hundreds of miles away, imagining Jack in an ugly sweater and antlers helping his mother place small round ornaments on the top of a tree that she was too short to reach. He’d never thought of Jack like that before, at home with his family, celebrating a holiday. It was a pleasant thought.

“I suppose we’ll have to get used to it, though,” Bob continued, and Bitty snapped back to attention at his words. “When he signs, there won’t really be holidays anymore.”

“No holidays?” Bitty asked, turning from the simmering water to Bob, who shrugged his shoulders.

“The league is pretty good about Christmas, but you usually end up playing before and after Thanksgiving, and at least one of those days you’re traveling, so it’s not quite the time to relax. I know my son; he’ll have a hard time shutting off even if they do let him off the ice.”

“Yeah, he does have a hard time shutting things off,” said Bitty. The water began to boil and he dumped in a healthy amount of spaghetti for the four of them. “Do you have an idea of where he’s going yet?”

“I still think the Falconers are his best bet,” said Bob with a shrug. “I think that will make him happiest.”

Bitty stared at the noodles as they began to slide into the boiling water and remembered what Kent Parson had said the night before. _I’m sure that’ll make your dad proud._ Bitty glanced over his shoulder; Bob did not look ashamed to have said it.

Alicia appeared with Jack in the doorway. Bitty blushed furiously at the sight of Jack; he looked normal, perhaps tired and hungry, but normal. This was not the same Jack that Bitty had seen after Kent Parson stormed out of his room. Jack caught eyes with Bitty and his expression turned sheepish, as if he were embarrassed to be seen at all. Bitty turned back to the pot and gave it a healthy stir.

“Have a seat, sweetie,” said Alicia. “Eric, I don’t know what you put in this sauce, but it smells heavenly.” Bitty turned to see Alicia remove the lid from the crock pot and take a whiff. Bitty smiled when she placed a hand over her heart.

“Thank you, Mrs. Zimmermann,” said Bitty. “Sit down, this will be ready in a few minutes. There’s coke and juice and water in the fridge, if you want any.”

Alicia took four glasses from the cabinet and served everyone a drink; they all stuck with water apart from Bitty, who opted for a coke. Jack shot him a look but didn’t comment, which at least was a step in the right direction. Bitty gave everyone a large serving of spaghetti and bolognese sauce and waved away compliments after they began to eat.

Bitty, as the outsider, allowed Bob and Alicia to set the mood while they ate. They spoke very little, mostly sticking to superficial topics directed at Bitty, not forcing Jack to speak. “What are you planning to do in New York, Eric?” Alicia asked.

“Mostly sight-see,” said Bitty. “I want to go ice skating at Rockefeller center and see the tree, but apart from that we don’t have much planned. We’re going to come back up here for New Year’s, though. I grew up in a small town and my parents aren’t used to crowds, so I want to get out of the city before it gets too bad.”

“Oh, I was just going to ask if you were planning to watch the ball drop,” said Alicia. “It’s not a place you want to be if you don’t like crowds, but it’s an experience I’d recommend. There’s nothing like being at Times Square for New Year’s.”

“There’s a difference between being in Times Square with all the bodies and being at a party inside, _Maman_ ,” said Jack with an eye roll. Bitty took this comment as an invitation to look at Jack, who wasn’t looking back at any of them. Jack continued to eat after his eye roll as if he had not said anything at all.

“Maybe in the future,” said Bitty. “I think it would be fun.”

After dinner Alicia attempted to help Bitty clear the table, and Bitty quickly shut her down. “Thank you but no thank you, Mrs. Zimmermann. You’re a guest here. You just have a seat and I’ll finish these up lickety split.”

“At least let Jack help you,” said Alicia. “He’s not a guest.”

“That is true,” said Bitty. “No, Jack, you don’t have to —”

It didn’t matter; Jack was already on his feet with two plates in his hands. Bob and Alicia left the room, but it wasn’t until Bitty heard the television click on that he realized they’d sat on the green couch. Bitty winced and decided not to look, knowing that the sight would eat him up inside. He instead turned his attention to the sink. Jack stood to his right with a hand towel, prepared to dry.

“Jack, you don’t have to help,” said Bitty. “You can go in the living room with your family.”

“No, I’m happy to help,” replied Jack. “Thank you for making dinner.”

Bitty couldn’t remember the last time Jack thanked him for dinner. It had become a routine; even before Bitty lived in the Haus, he would come over several times a week to make dinner. Everyone had long since stopped thanking him for it. The gratitude didn’t feel right and, even worse, Bitty could sense Jack’s tension when he passed over the first plate. Bitty could feel questions building inside of his throat. He wanted to ask if Jack was okay. He knew he shouldn’t ask if Jack was okay.

“What time are you leaving?” Bitty asked instead.

“Soon, I think,” said Jack, glancing at the time on the oven.

They looked out the window; the snow was falling heavily now, thick white clumps of wetness cascading from the sky. Bitty frowned. His parents hadn’t landed yet and he still hoped they’d still be allowed to with how slick the snow appeared on the street in front of the Haus. When Bitty handed Jack the final glass, Jack dried it quickly and the headed out of the kitchen toward the living room. Bitty watched him go; he looked fine, but he was not the same Jack that Bitty had flirted at just twenty-four hours before.

“Bad news, Jack,” said Bob from the living room. “Flight’s delayed an hour. Looks like everything’s delayed. Do you want to chance it and go to the airport?”

“What’s the forecast?” Jack asked.

“Not good,” said Bob. “It’s not supposed to let up until tomorrow at best.”

“Then let’s stay here. I don’t want to wait at the airport and have to come back if they cancel,” said Jack. “I’m going back upstairs.”

“Jack,” said Alicia. “You can’t spend all night in your room.”

Jack lowered his voice and Bitty considered making unnecessary noise to tune it out, but instead he stood alone in the kitchen, listening hard. “What do you want me to do?” Jack asked, his voice a whisper, his tone exasperated. “I just want to go to sleep.”

“You can’t just go to sleep, honey. You’ve been sleeping all day. Let’s do something to take your mind off it. Do you want to watch TV with us?”

“No,” said Jack.

“Do you want to play a game? Do you have a deck of cards?"

“No,” repeated Jack, louder.

“Well I want to play a game,” said Alicia. “Maybe Eric will play with me.”

Alicia returned to the kitchen and Bitty adjusted the towel on the oven rack in an attempt to hide his eavesdropping. “Do you have any board games?” she asked.

“Of course!” said Bitty with a bright smile. “There’s no way we’d be able to survive in a Haus with Holster and Shitty — uh, um, I mean —”

“It's okay,” said Alicia. “I’m very familiar with Shitty.”

“Well, we would be lost on rainy days if we didn’t have board games. I’ll go grab them.” Bitty scurried out of the kitchen to the hallway closet. He pulled a few games down from the shelf and brought them to the kitchen table. Bob and Jack both voted for Monopoly but Alicia began to set up Clue.

Suzanne and Coach arrived at the Haus after two games. Bitty jumped up from his seat and dropped his cards on the table. He’d lost at the last minute, both times to Bob, and was ready to not play any longer. Both of his parents looked miserable. Suzanne’s hair was wet and Coach had flakes all over his Atlanta Falcons jacket. They each had red cheeks.

“Mama! Coach! I’m so glad you’re here. Let me take your suitcases.” Bitty grabbed the two suitcases and brought them inside. Coach kicked his tennis shoes against the wall to remove the snow, which drew Bitty’s attention downward. “Mama!” he scolded. “You’re wearing flats! Why are you wearing flats? It’s a blizzard out!”

“I didn’t know it was a blizzard out when we left home, sweetie,” said Suzanne. She shook her head and attempted to swipe at her hair with her bare hands; Bitty didn’t comment at her lack of gloves. “I just want to sit down and warm up. Something smells wonderful.”

“That’s the spaghetti. Let me take your coat, Mama. And, Mama…” Bitty lowered his voice the best he could. “Jack’s parents are here. They were going to leave a few hours ago but their flight is delayed.”

“Oh!” said Suzanne, glancing toward the kitchen after Bitty nodded in that direction. “Oh, well they’re not going anywhere tonight. Everything was canceled when we got off the plane.”

Bitty placed both of the suitcases by the bottom of the stairs before he took his mother’s pea coat and hanged it in the closet next to Alicia and Bob’s. Alicia was on her feet when they entered the kitchen, looking the opposite of Suzanne and Coach — Alicia had not lost her model’s looks, sense of style, or cheekbones, and Suzanne and Coach both looked as if they’d had a difficult day.

“You must be Suzanne and Rick!” said Alicia, which surprised Bitty. He looked at Jack, who just shrugged. “I’m so happy to finally meet the both of you. I’m Alicia Zimmermann. Suzanne, I believe you’ve met my husband, but Rick I don’t think you have, correct?”

“No, this is the first time,” said Coach with what Bitty took as his smile, although it was difficult to tell under his mustache. Alicia gave each of them a hug and Bob shook their hands. Jack, after a look from his mother, stood as well to greet them with a similar handshake.

“Mama, sit down, I’ll bring you a plate. Coach, you sit too,” said Bitty. Suzanne sat at the opposite end of the table from the board game with a relieved sigh. Bitty served both Coach and Suzanne a plate of food, and they tore into it without much fanfare.

“How was your flight?” Bitty asked. He placed his hands on his mother’s shoulders from behind. She gently patted one of his hands before she continued to eat, allowing Coach to respond.

“The flight was fine,” said Coach. “A bit bumpy on the landing, but it’s so icy out there I’m surprised we stayed on the runway. Catching a cab was difficult; everyone was leaving the airport and looking for hotels, so it was a zoo trying to get here.”

“Bobby, is our flight still delayed or is it canceled now?” Alicia asked.

Bob pulled out his phone and a moment later shook his head. “It’s canceled,” he said with a frown. “I’ll try to find something for the morning. Not sure how much luck I’ll have on Christmas Eve.”

“The cab driver was saying this won’t let up until Thursday or Friday,” said Suzanne.

“Thursday or Friday?” Bitty repeated. He could feel his eyebrows high on his forehead. “Thursday’s Christmas!”

“Oh dear,” said Alicia. “And here we are, two dummies who didn’t bring anything with us. Bobby, you’ll have to borrow some clothes from Jack.”

“I must have packed three times what I need,” said Suzanne. “You’re taller than me but we can probably find something that’ll fit.”

“Thank you, Suzanne. If it’s clear enough to venture out I’ll go shopping in the morning before the stores close,” said Alicia.

After Suzanne and Coach finished eating, it was clear no one was up for another board game. As his parents made their way toward the stairs, Bitty realized for the first time that they were six people headed in the direction of five twin sized beds.

“Mama, I’m going to put you in my room. Coach, I was going to put you in Jack’s bed but since Jack’s here, you can go down the hall. Let me just change the sheets before you get in there. Mr. and Mrs. Zimmermann, you can take the attic. I’ll change those sheets before you go to bed too."

“And where are you going to sleep, sweetie?” Suzanne asked.

Bitty set his jaw and couldn’t believe the situation he had just put himself in. He closed his eyes and said with extreme reluctance, “I will take the couch.”

“Absolutely not,” said Jack. Bitty opened his eyes. “Bittle, you hate the couch. You can have my bed. I’ll take the couch.”

“I’m not going to kick you out of your own bed, Jack,” said Bitty. “You’re tired. You should be comfortable.”

“I’m not letting you sleep on that couch,” said Jack.

“Honey, I’m sure we could fit both your daddy and I in your bed,” said Suzanne, but the look of disgust that crossed Bitty’s face caused her to chuckle and relent. “Okay, honey. I’ll sleep in your bed and your daddy will take Mr. Crappy’s room.”

“Mr. Crappy?” Alicia said with a hearty laugh. “I love it. Jack, honey, remind me to tell Ms. Knight that the next time I speak to her.”

Bitty replaced the sheets on three beds, exhausting his extra supply, and handed his father and both of Jack’s parents an extra blanket to replace whatever disgusting fluids had fallen onto the blankets that covered Shitty, Ransom, and Holster’s beds. He said goodnight to his parents and then headed into Jack’s room, where Jack was handing his father a pair of flannel pajama pants.

“See you in the morning, Eric,” said Bob with a smile. He clapped Bitty on the shoulder before he left the room. Bitty turned to Jack.

“Jack,” he said. “You don’t —”

“Don’t be noble, Bittle,” said Jack. “I know you’d rather sleep out in the snow than on the couch. Take my bed. Be comfortable. You didn’t expect us to still be here.”

“I don’t think you expected to be here either,” said Bitty. “I’m sorry your flight was canceled. I’m sorry you couldn’t go this morning. Jack — I’m just sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” said Jack. Bitty frowned.

“I’m still sorry,” he said.

“I’m fine, Bittle,” said Jack. He took one of the pillows from his bed and the extra blanket on the back of his chair. “Good night.”

“Good night, Jack.”

Bitty watched Jack leave the room and close the door behind him. Bitty climbed into Jack’s bed and sighed; this was not how he imagined how he’d sleep in it the first time.


	2. Chapter 2

The snow finally began to taper off the following morning, setting up a beautiful Christmas Eve, but when Bitty awoke in Jack’s bed, he felt uncomfortable the moment he opened his eyes. It felt like an intrusion, being there without Jack, like he was snooping with Jack just around the corner. His eyes landed on Jack’s BE BETTER poster. He’d seen it several times and never liked it, but he’d never realized its position before. As soon as Bitty opened his eyes and pulled down his covers he could see it. It was the first thing Jack saw every morning and the last thing he saw every night. It stirred deep pity in Bitty’s chest. He needed to leave.

Bitty showered and put on snow pants over his clothes so he could attempt to shovel what had drifted onto the walkway overnight. The snow was still coming down heavily when he opened the front door. Three feet of snow toppled inside the Haus and Bitty groaned at how cold he already was. He attempted to shovel a path just through the porch and to the sidewalk, but apart from the sheer amount of it, the snow was heavy and wet, making the task difficult and tedious. After a half an hour Bitty had only made a dent in the porch and had yet to see the cement of the sidewalk.

“Bittle,” he heard from behind him. Bitty turned around to see Jack, still in his pajamas, standing bleary-eyed in the hallway. “What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to shovel.”

“Bittle, even if you do make a path it’s going to fill up in an instant. Put the shovel down and come back inside.”

Bitty stared at the shovel in his hands before he looked back at Jack. “Yeah, okay,” said Bitty. He took two steps back into the house and closed the door. “I hope this lets up soon. I really wanted to go to New York for Christmas.”

Jack took the shovel from Bitty and together they headed toward the backyard. “I think we’re stuck here,” he said. “You, me, and our parents.”

Bitty froze as he watched Jack place the shovel just outside the door to the backyard; his flannel pajama pants were loose around his waist to make up for the strain over the apex of his backside, and as a result Bitty could see the band of his boxer briefs when Jack leaned forward. It wasn’t new; Bitty had seen Jack in his underwear countless times in the locker room, but this felt different. This was Jack, the man Bitty loved, the man who would never love Bitty back. Furthermore, this was Jack and Jack’s family, and they were all going to spend Christmas together.

“You okay?” Jack asked. “You didn’t pull something shoveling that snow, did you?”

“I’m just warm,” said Bitty. He unbuttoned his coat.

“I have never heard you say that in my life,” said Jack. Bitty rolled his eyes.

“How about you hush and I make us breakfast?” Bitty asked.

“That sounds more like you,” said Jack. “I’m going to shower and check on my parents. I’m hoping the fumes from Ransom and Holster’s dirty laundry hasn’t killed them.”

“I’m more concerned about the gallon of milk that used to be in the fridge,” said Bitty as Jack headed up the stairs. Bitty opened the refrigerator and sighed at the lack of usable ingredients inside of it. He was required to remove much of his normal food prior to the EpiKegster to make room for beer, so apart from leftover Bolognese and a carton of eggs, there was very little the six adults could eat. He’d seen Jack eat half a dozen eggs in one sitting, so there was no way they would survive through Christmas with what was left in the Haus. With one arm he removed everything on the second shelf and set to finagle something for breakfast.

Suzanne appeared first, wearing a fluffy pink robe and clearly in search of coffee. Despite her dim eyes and nightclothes, she appeared to have done her hair and makeup already. This was not the way she normally looked before coffee, and Bitty knew exactly why. “Mrs. Zimmermann is still asleep, Mama,” said Bitty.

“Oh, okay,” said Suzanne. She sat down at the table and Bitty set a mug in front of her. “Is it still snowing outside?”

“Yes,” said Bitty. “Not as bad as last night, though. I tried shoveling this morning but I couldn’t get off the porch. There’s no way we’ll be able to get to the train today. We might not even get to the street today. I wish I had more food.”

“We’ll be okay here. You wanted to show us an authentic New England winter, honey, and what’s more authentic than getting snowed in?”

“I guess,” said Bitty. “Do you want eggs? We have cheese and frozen broccoli so I can make omelets. We’re out of milk — you can thank Holster for that.”

“Eggs are fine, honey,” said Suzanne.

Everyone slowly trickled in as Bitty began making eggs; Coach was next, followed by Jack, then Bob and Alicia together. Suzanne took over for Bitty after she finished her plate, and she forced Bitty to sit at the table and eat with everyone else. Alicia declined the eggs and stood at the sink with her cup of coffee. She was wearing a pair of Jack’s pajama pants, rolled several times at the waist, and a Samwell Hockey T-shirt. Despite the ill fitting clothes, she still looked like a supermodel.

“I don’t think we’re going anywhere,” Alicia said. “What do you think, Bobby? Maybe we give it up and just spend Christmas here?”

“I think we’re going to do the same,” said Suzanne as she turned off the burner and set the final omelet in front of Bitty. “That might be fun, huh, Dicky? All of us together here for the holiday.”

“As long as the power doesn’t go out,” said Bitty.

“The power’s not going to go out,” said Jack.

“Maybe, but we’re definitely going to run out of food. If push comes to shove we’re going to have to eat the suitcase cookies I made for you,” said Bitty.

“Suitcase cookies?” Jack asked. “What suitcase cookies?”

“There may or may not be cookies in your suitcase,” said Bitty sheepishly. “They were supposed to be a surprise for when you got home.” The corner of Jack’s mouth ticked upward and Bitty blushed furiously. He looked down in an attempt to hide his face from the rest of the table.

“If this lets up at all I’ll help you shovel a path to the street,” said Jack. “We can go to the store and get food.”

It didn’t let up until after lunch, which consisted of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches using all the rest of the bread in the cupboard. Fortunately, Bitty had gone on a jam bender to avoid studying for midterms, so there was still several jars leftover, enough to sustain them through the rest of winter break, and potentially through winter as well. Coach and Bob had retreated to the den to watch ESPN, Suzanne and Alicia had gone upstairs to pick out clothes, and so Jack and Bitty took the two shovels from the backyard and opened the front door again to attempt to reach the street.

It took them an hour to shovel a path wide enough for one person. Bitty was both frozen and sweating, which was not a pleasant combination, but the effort had given Jack a pretty flush in his cheeks. Bitty enjoyed sneaking glances at Jack while they worked together, at the flops of hair peeking underneath his beanie, at the purse of his lips as he concentrated. They were quiet, matching the silence on the street, until they reached the end of the walk where the plow had amassed the snow from the road.

“Bittle,” said Jack. Bitty, who was just about to tackle the last foot of the drive, turned and looked back at Jack, who stood a few feet away, his shovel down by his feet. He wore a very familiar smirk on his lips.

“What?” Bitty asked. This was the kind of smirk that preceded a chirp, and Bitty’s thoughts immediately turned to his runny nose, and hoped he didn’t have snot all over his face. Jack glanced behind Bitty, then looked back in Bitty’s eyes.

“The snow is taller than you,” said Jack. “You’re so short even the snow drifts are taller than you.”

“Har har, Mr. Zimmermann,” said Bitty. He turned and looked straight ahead at a white block. Jack was right. The plow had piled the snow so high at the end of the walk that it was taller than Bitty. “I don’t even know how to start. How thick do you think it is?”

“We’re almost at the end of it,” said Jack. “What d’you say? You up for another checking clinic?”

“Wait, what?” Bitty asked, his heart rate immediately rising. As soon as he looked over his shoulder, Jack collided with him and the two stumbled through it, finally out of the yard and onto the street. Jack held Bitty tightly, careful not to let him fall onto the road.

It was like another world. The road was still packed with snow, but it was clear all the way up and down Jason street. Assuming the rest of the roads were plowed like this, there was an open route to the Stop & Shop. The road was silent, though, with no cars in sight. The campus was usually dead during breaks, but not like this. Just standing to the side of their newly-shoveled walkway, it was as if there were no one else in the world besides Jack and Bitty, and they alone survived the apocalyptic snowstorm that killed the remainder of the population.

Bitty looked up at Jack, who was still holding tightly onto him, although Jack was looking up and down the street with the same kind of awe that suggested his thoughts had gone in the same direction.

Bitty cleared his throat.

“Oh, sorry, Bittle,” said Jack. He let go and began to brush the snow off of his puffy red jacket, using the motion as an opportunity to take a large step away from Bitty. Bitty also dusted himself off and then threw his shovel into the walkway. Jack did the same.

“You want to come shopping with me?” Bitty asked.

“Yeah, of course,” said Jack. “You know how I feel about you to going to the Stop & Shop alone.”

They walked down the street side by side. Bitty removed his scarf and then rewound it around his neck in an attempt to stay warm but also accommodate the sweatiness of his neck. Jack laughed at him and Bitty shot him a dirty look.

“Don’t you start chirping me, Mr. Zimmermann,” said Bitty.

“I didn’t say a thing,” replied Jack, although the grin on his face refused to budge. It was nice to see; Bitty had been worried that he would be a quiet, surly mess through Christmas. In looking at Jack, the desire to probe for details about Kent Parson’s visit bubbled into Bitty’s mouth, but he kept his lips firmly shut, afraid to ruin the moment. Everything was perfect on that empty street: the sun was peeking through the cloud cover; the snowflakes had reduced to flurries; there was silence apart from the crunching of their boots; the trees glistened in the beams of light; and Jack was smiling again.

They turned the corner and Jack spoke.

“I know you want to ask about it,” he said, his voice a whisper, the sound low and muted by the snow. His smile had faded but he still looked pleasant, although he wasn’t looking at Bitty.

“I don’t want to pry,” said Bitty, but he continued anyway. “It was supposed to be an epic end to the semester and I know it wasn’t very epic for you.”

“Listen, Bittle. Kent and I owe each other a lot of apologies, and I’m not proud of how we’ve treated each other, but that’s all in the past. And it’s fine.” Jack looked down at Bitty and attempted to smile. “I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“Jack, come on. Have you met me?” Bitty asked. Jack chuckled. It was the only sound that Bitty could hear.

The Stop & Shop was thankfully open, but apart from a few employees, was completely devoid of people. Bitty got a cart and headed toward the meat section first, where he grabbed a ham. “A ham?” Jack asked. “Why do we need a ham?”

“We’re spending Christmas together!” Bitty said. “I’m not letting us eat peanut butter and jelly for Christmas dinner! No way, I’m about to go ham on this meal.”

Jack stared at Bitty.

“You know, ham?” Bitty asked. “Hard as a motherfucker? It was a joke. Why do I ever make jokes around you?”

“Oh,” said Jack. “Haha.”

“Don’t placate me, mister, you have no idea what I’m talking about.”

“Yeah,” said Jack, defeated. “I really don’t.”

“It’s okay, Jack. I still like you.”

Bitty rushed the cart forward and out of Jack’s line of sight as his cheeks flushed bright red upon the realization of what he just said. Jack followed him through the aisles as Bitty filled the cart with supplies for the rest of the week, and only stepped in front of Bitty when they reached the checkout line.

“Jack, I have sin bin money, don’t pay for this,” said Bitty after he loaded the last item onto the belt. Jack didn’t listen to Bitty and he slid his card through the reader. Bitty harrumphed but otherwise made no objection, and five minutes later they were back into the cold, arms loaded up with groceries.

“I think we may have bought too much,” said Bitty, attempting to balance four plastic bags on one arm and three on the other.

“Maybe,” said Jack, who was balancing just as much.

They made it home, though, just as the snow began to pick up again. Bitty dropped his groceries onto the kitchen table with a huff, and only then realized that he hadn’t seen his parents yet. He removed his scarf and walked back into the hallway to look for them. Just as he entered the hallway, the door to the basement opened and the four parents emerged with three boxes.

“What are you doing?” Bitty asked.

“We found some Christmas decorations in the basement,” said Suzanne. “I saw that you had these lights up on the walls, but that’s not nearly good enough. Did you know you have a tree in the basement?”

“No!” said Bitty in surprise. “Although Mama, I wouldn’t trust anything that’s been down there. It’s probably been there for years and no one dusts the cobwebs.”

Jack stepped into the hallway behind Bitty.

“Oh, you found the tree,” he said. “Carter Marsh bought that when I was a frog. I don’t think we’ve put it up since he graduated.”

“See?” said Bitty. “Years. Careful with that box, Coach, it’s probably overrun with spiders.”

The boxes were not overrun with spiders. Coach and Bob made short work of getting the tree put up in the corner of the den while Jack and Bitty unloaded the groceries, and Alicia and Suzanne set to removing the lights from the hallways to repurpose onto the tree. By the time the groceries were put away and Bitty had a meatloaf in the oven for dinner, the lights were strung and the bottom half of the tree had been filled with ornaments.

“That looks nice,” said Bitty when he entered the den, giving both the tree and the couch a wide berth as he opted to stand near the bookcase instead.

“Some of these ornaments are questionable,” said Bob. He held up what should have been a nutcracker, but was scantily clad despite is long beard. Alicia began laughing at a mermaid wearing a flannel shirt, and Suzanne picked one up out of the box and quickly put it back before anyone else could see it.

“I think there are more normal ornaments in that box,” said Jack, pointing at an unopened box next to Coach. Coach opened it and pulled out two egg cartons of gold ornaments, which Suzanne took from him and began to hang on the middle of the tree, while Alicia and Bob kept laughing at what they found in the first box.

“Oh, Bobby, look!” said Alicia, drawing everyone’s attention as she uncovered an ornament that had been wrapped with newspaper. Bitty let out a cackle at the sight of it; it was Bob back when he was part of the Pittsburgh Penguins, wearing his black and yellow home colors and a very disturbing expression. The likeness was poor, and if he hadn’t been wearing a jersey with his number and name, no one would be able to tell it was him.

“Oh, no,” said Bob at the sight of the monstrosity in his wife’s hand.

“Jack, honey, please tell me you were the one who bought this,” said Alicia, snickering so badly that the ornament jiggled back and forth from her thumb.

“You bet I did,” said Jack. “I searched everywhere for that thing.”

“You know there are plenty of ornaments out there that actually look like me,” said Bob, “and you had to find the one that looks like me after nuclear war.”

“This is the only one worth owning,” said Jack. He stepped forward and took it from his mother, then placed it at eye level on the tree. “There we go. Perfect.”

“Just you wait, son,” said Bob. “As soon as your team releases your ornament I’m going to buy the entire stock and decorate every tree in our house with nothing but your face.” Jack just chuckled before he took the carton of gold ornaments from Suzanne and helped finish decorate the tree.

After dinner Bob and Jack rummaged through the closet for another board game that the six of them could play and settled on Monopoly. As soon as the game entered the kitchen in Bob’s hands, Alicia stood and said, “Nope! Pick something else.”

“It’s the only thing we haven’t played that works with six people,” said Bob, frowning. Bitty had seen that frown before on Jack’s face, usually after Bitty shooed him out of the kitchen after eating too many cookies.

“I love Monopoly,” said Suzanne.

“I don’t know how well you know my husband, Suzanne,” said Alicia, “but he is extremely competitive.”

“I’m not afraid of a little competition,” said Suzanne.

Things began to heat up within one trip around the board. Bob, who managed to land on all three green properties, had built a house on Pacific Avenue, which Coach landed on.

“Looks like you owe me a hundred and thirty dollars, Rick,” said Bob.

“Now let’s see here,” said Coach, sitting back in his chair. Jack caught gaze with Bitty, who rolled his eyes. “I could pay you all one hundred and thirty dollars here, but I do want to mention that out of the goodness of our own hearts, your wife is wearing my wife’s clothes. That has to be worth one turn’s rent at Pacific Avenue.”

“Seriously, Coach? You’re trying to weasel out of rent?” Bitty asked.

“I’m not weasling out of anything! I’m just saying, there might have been some clothes sharing. You also have been eating food that my son has been preparing…”

“In which I will take into consideration when your son and your wife lands on my property,” said Bob. “You did carry the tree up from the basement, though, so for that, I will say you only owe me one hundred and twenty-nine dollars.”

Coach forked over the cash with a grumble. Then, on his next turn, landed on Pennsylvania Avenue, which Bob had since upgraded to two houses. “Dammit!” Coach said, throwing his leftover money on the table. With only two properties to his name, Coach was already in the hole.

“Now, Rick,” said Bob with a smug smile, “I can’t let you lose this early. You’re very close to passing Go, so if you just hand over everything you have, I’d be happy to ignore the deficit and let you keep playing.”

“Nope, I can’t be indebted to you like that, Bob,” said Coach. “I’m out.”

Bob laughed evilly as Coach handed over the rest of his money and wandered out of the kitchen. Alicia was the next to go; she spent all of her money on a handful of properties near Free Parking, then landed on Boardwalk, which Bitty owned.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Zimmermann,” said Bitty. “Do you want to mortgage something to cover the cost?”

“No, I’m good,” she said with a smile. She got up and left the kitchen as well, followed soon by Jack, who handed Bob all of his money when he too landed on a green property, which now had a hotel built on it, competing with Bitty’s two houses on Boardwalk and Park Place.

Bitty, Bob, and Suzanne played for another hour, never landing on anything they couldn’t afford. By eight o’clock, Bitty had hotels on the most expensive and least expensive properties on the board, Bob had both the red and green properties built to the max, and Suzanne had a monopoly on the spaces between jail and free parking. It was getting a bit tedious, passing the same money back and forth between the three of them, so at eight-thirty Bitty acquiesced all of his property to his mother, who was determined to take Bob down.

“You’re in trouble now, Bob,” said Suzanne when Bitty stood.

“How is that fair?” Bob asked. “You can’t just take property from your son.”

“It was a mutual agreement between the two of us. As his mother I am more than happy to help him when the time comes.” Bob groaned and sat back; his token (the top hat) was just about to round the safe corner and into Suzanne’s side of the board, which did not bode well. Bitty patted his mother’s shoulder for luck and then headed in search of Coach, who was more than likely sulking in front of ESPN.

Coach wasn’t in the den, though, and the television wasn’t on. Alicia and Jack sat on the green couch, facing the Christmas tree, which caused Bitty to pause in the doorway. Jack lay with his head against his mother’s shoulder; Alicia had her arm around him. Bitty turned to leave, not wanting to interrupt, when Alicia spoke.

“I’m so happy you called us, sweetie,” she said, her voice low. “I didn’t want you to get on a plane by yourself when you were in a state like that.” Jack didn’t respond, but he did shift his head on her shoulder. “You seem to be doing better now, huh?”

“Yeah,” Jack said noncommittally.

“I think you are. It’s never as bad as you think it’s going to be, sweetie. Your mind builds it up to be so huge, but we just need to remember to sit, talk it out, and breathe.”

“And hug,” said Jack, which caused Bitty to smile. Alicia wrapped both her arms around him and squeezed him tightly before she kissed his head.

“Yes, and hug,” she replied. They sat in silence again, and Bitty knew he should leave them alone, but he didn’t move. “You know, I’m glad you found Eric.”

“Hmm?” Jack asked.

“He’s so good for you. You’re more like you are at home when he’s around. I’m happy that he’s just across the hall from you.”

“What are you talking about?” said Jack again, and he sounded more and more confused with each word. Bitty willed himself not to make a sound, to remain just out of sight behind the wall, to hear more about what Alicia had to say.

“Sweetie, you know what I’m talking about,” said Alicia, but Jack didn’t speak again. “Just pay attention. You’ll see it.”

Bitty felt just as confused but fortunately was interrupted by a loud whoop from the kitchen. He scurried back that way to see Bob hand over a wad of Monopoly money to Suzanne, his head in his hand. “That’s how you do it, Mr. Zimmermann!” she said with a hearty laugh. Bitty glanced at the board; Bob’s top hat had landed on Boardwalk, which somehow now had two hotels.

Alicia and Jack crowded the doorway behind Bitty. Bitty looked over his shoulder at them. Alicia raised her eyebrows at Bob.

“Still happy you picked Monopoly, Bobby?” Alicia asked. Bob sat with his head still in his hands, staring at his piece on the board. Suzanne laughed again and then began to return the money to the tray.

“It was fun,” Suzanne said, “but entirely too much for me. Bob, I hope you weren’t looking for a rematch.”

“No, I think that’s quite enough,” he said. “I think there’s a game on. Suzanne, congratulations.” Bob shook her hand, causing Suzanne to blush high on her cheeks, before he crossed the kitchen to the den and turned on the television. Bitty helped his mother clean up the game before he returned it to the closet, and then kept onward to the stairs. Jack followed close behind and entered his bedroom with Bitty. Bitty hopped up onto Jack’s bed as Jack began to unfasten his pants. Bitty quickly pulled out his phone to have something else to look at.

“I’m going to watch the game with my dad,” said Jack. “Are you turning in already?”

“Yeah,” said Bitty. He looked up; Jack was already in pajama pants. “I’m beat. That snow kicked my ass.”

“All right. Good night, Bittle.”

“Good night, Jack.”

Jack left the room and closed the door behind him. Bitty snuggled under Jack’s covers and lay his head on Jack’s pillow. It was warm in the bed beneath Jack’s quilt, but Bitty felt cold all over, and he wasn’t quite sure why.


	3. Chapter 3

Bitty awoke abruptly on Christmas Day and jumped; Jack was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking out the window.

“Holy cannoli, Jack,” said Bitty, his hand on his chest as he attempted to control his heart rate. “What are you doing?”

“It cleared up outside,” Jack said, as if he had every right to be sitting there while Bitty was asleep. “Look.” Jack drew back the blinds and Bitty sat up, still rubbing the crust from his eyes. The sky was blue and cloudless. The sun shone out onto the fresh white snow in the front yard, causing the flakes to sparkle. The snow clung to the branches of the trees, giving them a crisp, white sheen. The walkway Jack and Bitty shoveled the day before had been filled in, but overall the amount of snow looked manageable and the roads looked clear. It was almost like a normal winter day. 

Bitty frowned. A normal winter day meant Jack and his family could go home.

“It’s also Christmas,” said Jack. “When I was a kid I used to wake up really early. Three or four o’clock in the morning. I was just so excited because Santa finally came and gave me everything I wanted. It was always about my presents, about what I got and what I could play with for the rest of the day. Then after I stopped believing in Santa Claus, it was all about my family, getting to buy each other things that meant something, and seeing their reaction when they opened it. I still got up really early, though, because I couldn’t wait to see their faces.”

Bitty settled onto Jack’s pillow and looked up at him. Bitty could see an excited young boy with those bright blue eyes, waking up his parents at ungodly hours of the morning to see what Santa had brought, almost the same way Jack would wake up Bitty for their most recent checking clinics. “I think you just like to wake up early,” said Bitty.

“It’s not that I enjoy waking up early,” said Jack, “It’s just that I always do. I did stop waking up my parents, though, and I would stare at the ceiling until I heard one of them moving around. My mom would make hot cocoa with a big marshmallow in it, and my dad would pass out the two gifts — after I stopped believing in Santa Claus, I only ever got two gifts, one from each of my parents — and we’d open them in turns. My dad usually got me something hockey-related, like new skates or tickets or something, and my mom would always give me clothes. And I remember —” Bitty smiled when Jack smiled, his expression wistful. “— She’d always say the same thing after I opened it. ‘Now you can dress like my sweet boy and not like you’re about to rob a Timmie’s.’”

“And yet you still dress like you’re about to rob something,” said Bitty. Jack smirked and looked down at his clothes; his pajama pants were mostly black apart from the thin checkered lines and his T-shirt was also black. Then the smirk fell off his face and he looked outside again.

“I’m sad that I’m not going to hear her say it this year,” said Jack. “I’m sure we’ll open gifts when we get home, but it’s just not the same if it’s not on Christmas. And it’s our last Christmas too. Who knows what I’ll be doing next year or even where I’ll be living.”

“It’s just a day, Jack,” said Bitty. “What does it matter if she says it today or when you get home? You’re still with them. That’s more important.” Jack shrugged his shoulders and looked down at Bitty again, and then gave him a little nudge.

“What about you?” Jack asked.

“I never woke up too early,” said Bitty, “but I usually woke up earlier than normal. At least before seven o’clock. I remember my Mama and I would always put out cookies and milk for Santa and I’d run downstairs to see if they were gone, and I’d be amazed that they were. Santa used to write me a little thank-you note for the cookies and told me since I was so good I got an extra present. There was always a present under the tree labeled ‘Because you were so good this year!’ My parents and I would open presents at the same time and afterward it was like a tornado had run through there, there was so much wrapping paper. When I was in high school, and I had stopped believing in Santa —”

“Whoa, wait, you believed in Santa until you were in high school?” Jack asked.

“I said when I was in high school I had stopped believing!” said Bitty, giving Jack a playful kick from under the covers.

“How old were you?” Jack asked.

“Can I finish my story?”

“No. How old were you?”

Bitty pouted, but Jack stared at him unnervingly. “Okay, fine,” said Bitty. “I was thirteen.”

“Thirteen? How could you possibly believe in Santa until you were thirteen?”

“I was a very impressionable youth, Mr. Zimmermann!” Bitty said, and kicked Jack again for good measure. “My parents actually had to sit me down before Christmas in eighth grade and tell me the truth. They told me I couldn’t go to high school still believing in Santa Claus. It was the worst day of my life. I cried and told them they were lying, that Santa was real, but I knew deep down that they were right. Right? Santa isn’t real, right?”

Jack burst into giggles and Bitty smiled at having succeeded in making it happen. 

“Oh man,” said Jack and he wiped his eyes. “I’m glad I get to spend Christmas with you, Bits.”

“Me too, Jack,” said Bitty. Jack leaned back against the wall, still at the foot of his own bed. Bitty pulled the covers closer to his chin. Despite the warmth of the Haus and Jack’s covers, his feet were still cold, so he tucked them under Jack’s body.

“Cold?” Jack asked. Bitty nodded. “Do you need me to rub your feet to warm them up?”

“That would be amazing,” said Bitty. Jack shifted, as if he were really going to do it, but then they heard the door open to the bathroom from Shitty’s room, and the quiet moment they’d enjoyed was gone. Bitty sat up. “I should get up and get breakfast started. I’ve got something good lined up for all y’all.”

“Everything you make is good, Bittle,” said Jack. He hopped off the bed and headed to the door. Bitty followed close behind. When they entered the kitchen downstairs, Suzanne and Alicia were already present. Before either could head to the coffeemaker, Alicia handed both of them a warm mug of cocoa with a large marshmallow in it.

“ _ Maman _ ,” said Jack with the kind of frown that surfaced from too much emotion, “where did you get marshmallows?”

“There were some in the cupboard, sweetie. Merry Christmas.” Alicia stood on her toes to kiss Jack on the cheek. Before she could walk away, Jack pulled her back and kissed her in the same spot. She smiled delicately at him before she patted him on the back. “Go sit in the den. Both of you.”

“I’m going to make breakfast,” said Bitty.

“After presents,” said Suzanne.

Bitty frowned. “There aren’t any presents,” he said.

“Did you check the tree?” Suzanne asked, her eyebrows in her sideswept bangs, her lips on the rim of her coffee mug. Bitty crossed the hall to the den to see several presents underneath the Christmas tree, most wrapped in the same paper Bitty recognized from the Christmas decorations they’d brought up from the basement the day before. It looked to be entirely too many gifts for what they’d agreed to as well; Bitty purchased something for each of his parents, and in return they’d each purchased one gift for him and one for each other. There were far more than that on the tree skirt.

Bitty approached cautiously, fearful of spiders, and noticed gift tags with Jack’s name on them. He glanced over his shoulder; Jack was leaning casually against the doorway, sipping his cocoa.

“Some of these are for you, Jack,” said Bitty.

“Really?” Jack asked. “From who?”

“From Santa, obviously. He knows where you are!”

Jack rolled his eyes. 

“I have to go upstairs and get my presents. No peeking while I’m gone, Mr. Zimmermann,” said Bitty. He set his cocoa down on bookshelf, gave the green couch a wide berth, and headed up the stairs to the closet in his room where he’d stored the presents for his family. His eyes landed on a small package and hesitated; he’d gotten it on a whim, not entirely sure why he was buying it, but knew when he saw it that it was something that he needed to give Jack. He’d planned on giving it to Jack after the Kegster, but those plans quickly derailed so instead he figured he’d just leave in the closet forever. It was still there on the floor labeled  _ To Jack, from Bittle _ . He picked it up and headed downstairs.

After placing the gifts under the tree, Bitty took two chairs from the kitchen and placed them in the den along the wall. He sat on one and finished his cocoa as the rest of the occupants of the Haus trickled in: Bob, who looked like he had been outside already that morning from his pink cheeks and wind-tousled hair; Coach, who was fresh from the shower; and Suzanne and Alicia from the kitchen. Suzanne looked like she was going to sit on the couch.

“Mama, no,” said Bitty, “come sit here with me.”

“There’s plenty of room on the couch, sweetie,” said Suzanne.

“Absolutely not. You do not need to sit on that horrendous thing. Mrs. Zimmermann, you neither. I’ll get another chair from the kitchen.”

“Don’t be silly, Eric,” said Alicia and she sat onto the couch next to Jack. Bitty pursed his lips together to keep his comment inside as Suzanne sat on the wooden chair next to him.

“When did you have time to get me a gift?” Jack asked. Alicia placed her arm around his shoulders.

“We escaped for a little bit while you and Eric were at the store yesterday. It’s not quite what you’re used to, but we wanted you to have something to open on Christmas. We’ll give you the rest when we go home tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Bitty asked, looking up from the gift bag from his mother that he was peeking into. “You’re going home tomorrow?”

“No more snow,” said Bob. “I got us a flight first thing back to Montreal.” Bitty looked at Jack, who was already up and out of the room.

“I’m going to grab your presents,” said Jack on his way down the hall, but it took him much longer than expected to return. During that time, Suzanne smacked Bitty on the arm three times as he attempted to sneak looks inside bags. When Jack finally returned, he was carrying three presents wrapped in department store gift wrap, which he set underneath the tree. Bitty peeked again; the top gift read  _ To Bittle, from Jack _ .

Bitty ate his cocoa-soaked marshmallow to hide his expression from the rest of the people in the room.

“Honey, do you want to pass out the presents?” Suzanne asked Bitty, who vehemently shook his head.

“I got it, I’m already down here,” said Jack. He handed the first gift to Bitty, the one from him, and Bitty took it with a deep flush in his cheeks. Jack smiled a small, flattered smile.

“Thank you, Jack,” said Bitty.

“You’re welcome, Bittle.”

Bitty held the gift in his lap. It was small, about the same size as Bitty’s for Jack. He desperately wanted to open it, more than anything else under the tree, to see what Jack had taken the time to get him. It was wrapped with the same paper as Jack’s gifts for his parents, so it was clearly something Jack had thought of prior to getting trapped in the Haus.

Jack finished handing out the presents and Bitty was just about to tear open the small package holding primary position in his lap when Jack asked, “Who’s going first?” 

“We usually just tear into them all at once,” said Coach.

“Oh there’s no fun in that!” said Alicia. “You want to be able to see everyone’s reaction. Jack, sweetie, sit down and you can go first so we can see what you got.” Coach frowned but Suzanne put a gentle hand on his shoulder to calm him. Bitty was so aware of his presents they felt like anvils on his lap.

Jack received a book from his father called  _ Rise to Greatness: The History of Canada from the Vikings to the Present _ . Bitty suppressed an eye roll because Jack was already paging through it with keen interest. “I know it’s a break in tradition,” said Bob, “but it’s the best I could do in town with a short window before you boys got back from the store.”

“No, this looks fascinating,” said Jack. “I can read it on the plane.”

Jack also received a wool sweater and a collared shirt from his mother. It was a flattering combination, a blue and white checkered shirt and a navy blue pullover with two large buttons at the collar. They were the kind of clothes Bitty had never seen Jack wear, even after a game, but something that would look absolutely stunning on him. 

“Ooh, that’s beautiful, Jack,” said Suzanne. “That would really bring out the blue in your eyes.”

“See, honey?” said Alicia to Jack with a gentle nudge. “Now you can start dressing like my sweet boy and —”

“And not like I’m about to rob a Timmie’s, I know,” said Jack along with her, but he was smiling at his mother while he spoke. “Thank you,  _ Maman _ .” Jack kissed her cheek before he picked up the last gift in his small pile. Bitty’s hands tensed when Jack looked into his eyes. “You didn’t have to get me something, Bittle.”

“Oh, it’s nothing, Jack. It just made me think of you.” Bob and Alicia exchanged a glance. Jack carefully opened the small box and let out a low chuckle when he took out a small figurine of a robot holding a hockey stick.

“Huh,” Jack said as he looked at it.

“It looks just like you!” said Bitty and Jack laughed a second time. The robot looked nothing like Jack; it was short and silver with black, beady eyes and a square hole for a mouth. Jack could pull back the arm to swing the stick at the puck, but the puck was glued to the base of the figurine. “It’s just a little, silly thing.”

“You should open yours,” said Jack. Bitty looked down and, without waiting for any objections from the rest of the room, opened Jack’s gift. When he removed the lid from the white box underneath the wrapping paper, he let out a loud laugh and held up the same robot, who instead of a hockey stick, wore an apron and held a small pie. “Looks just like you, Bittle.”

“Did you go to that craft fair too?” Bitty asked incredulously. 

“Bittle. We went together. Remember you spent an hour talking to that lady about her custom aprons?”

“Oh, right!” said Bitty with a laugh. “I almost bought you an apron instead but I knew you’d never use it.”

“Chirp chirp, Bittle,” said Jack.

“Those are precious!” said Suzanne. She took Bitty’s figurine from his hand. “Did they have a hockey player and a baker or did you have to order them?”

“She had a hockey player,” said Bitty. “She had one from every sport and a couple of others. I think there was a doctor and a ballerina too.” Bitty looked at Jack, who had his lips pursed together. Suzanne looked at him expectantly and he frowned.

“I had to ask her to make the apron,” Jack said. “And the pie. She was really nice about it.”

Bitty could feel the heat in his cheeks, and even worse could feel the rest of the people in the room looking at him. He quickly dropped the empty box and wrapping paper on the floor and moved on, hoping that the next gift would be enough of a distraction from the blush on his skin.

 

***

 

One of Bitty’s gifts from his parents was a new cast iron skillet, already seasoned, that Bitty immediately put to use making frittatas for the families. The length of the gift-opening turned breakfast into brunch, but Suzanne had already placed the ham in the oven, so dinner would be earlier than usual. Once the dishes were done, Bitty caught Suzanne and Coach looking wistfully out the window over the sink at the white snow in the front yard, still sparkling in the clear sunlight.

“I told you that it’s beautiful here,” said Bitty. 

“I’m sure it’s cold as all get out, though,” said Suzanne.

“You just have to layer properly,” said Bob. “Let’s go outside and build a snowman.”

“A snowman?” Suzanne repeated, her eyes wide with childlike wonder. “Oh my word, I have never built a snowman in my life.”

“We are definitely building a snowman,” said Alicia. “Suzanne, let’s go upstairs and see what you brought. I’ll make sure you’re warm enough.”

Ten minutes later Bob was showing Coach how to roll the bottom snowball and Alicia and Suzanne were running through the waist-high snow and laughing. Jack and Bitty were assigned the task of finding sticks for the snowman’s arms. None of the sticks that had fallen to the ground were very useful, so Bitty was searching the tree. There were a few possible arms on that tree, but none that Bitty could reach.

Bitty turned to call for Jack’s assistance only to be walloped directly in the face with a powdery snowball. He sputtered and wiped his eyes to see Jack doubled over a few feet away, laughing so hard his breath rose in infrequent white clouds from his lips. “JACK ZIMMERMANN!” Bitty yelled, drawing the attention from both of their parents. “How dare you! I was completely defenseless over here!” 

Bitty grabbed a handful of snow and began forming a retaliation ball, but before he could shape it, Jack had already made his own and nailed Bitty directly in the mittens, causing the snow to scatter. “JACK!” Bitty scolded again. “This is so not fair! You’ve had your whole life to learn how to make snowballs. I’m still new at this!”

Jack chuckled and threw a third, hitting Bitty in the shoulder, and Bitty let out an impatient groan of frustration before he charged forward and grabbed Jack by the pockets in his jacket to push them both over. “Calm down, Bittle,” said Jack as they both fell over with a whoosh. “This isn’t checking practice.”

“You aren’t playing fair,” said Bitty, frowning. He sat upright, the snow up to his shoulders. Jack frowned back, suddenly concerned.

“I’m just messing with you, Bits,” said Jack.

“I know,” replied Bitty, and then he proceeded to shove two handfuls of snow down the front of Jack’s jacket before trudging away. Jack got up and followed, causing Bitty to yelp and run faster toward the front door, but before Jack could catch him, Coach called out for him.

“Junior, come here and help me and Bob get the second layer on this snowman.”

Bitty and Jack both stopped running, panting. Jack’s cheeks were flushed red in large patches over his skin. Bitty looked sadly at him before walking over to his father to help with the snowman. “Can you get the branches off the tree, Jack?” Bitty asked. Jack nodded. Bitty felt Jack’s eyes on him the entire walk toward their parents.

The snowman took just a few more minutes to assemble, once Suzanne and Alicia finished the head and then began to dress him with charcoal bricks and one of Bitty’s scarves. Jack had snapped two decently sized arms from the tree. Suzanne placed Coach’s hat on top, and they had their snowman.

“That was fun,” said Suzanne to Alicia. “I am freezing, though, and there are veggies that need chopping for dinner. I’m going back inside.”

Bitty followed soon after, whiling away the remainder of the daylight in the kitchen with his mother and Alicia. Jack split his time between the football games in the den and assisting Bitty whenever Bitty called for him, but Bitty barely saw him until dinner. Every time Bitty looked out the window at the snowman in the yard, he felt his cheeks grow hot with the memory of the look on Jack’s face when Bitty toppled onto him.

“Do you still want to head down to New York tomorrow?” Suzanne asked, breaking Bitty from his daydream. Bitty looked over.

“Sure,” said Bitty. “Do we still have our reservation?”

“I can call the hotel in the morning; I’m assuming so.”

“If they filled up, you can always stay at the Plaza. Bobby and I are there so much we practically have a residency,” said Alicia. “I’m sure I can get you a room.”

Suzanne’s eyes flickered to Bitty, who knew Suzanne’s concerns but also knew where this was going.

“Oh, I’m sure we’ll be fine,” said Suzanne. “I appreciate it, Alicia, but I think the Plaza is a little out of our price range.”

“Don’t you worry about price range,” said Alicia. “I’m wearing your clothes. We’re practically family now.” Suzanne looked at Bitty and then beyond him, causing Bitty to turn and look over his shoulder, where Jack was hovering by the door.

“We practically are,” Suzanne said.

“What’s up, Jack?” Bitty asked.

“Do you need any more help?” Jack asked.

“I think I need help eating all this,” said Bitty. He gestured to the counter; the two kinds of potatoes were mashed and mixed, the veggies were in a covered bowl, the rolls were cooling on the cookie sheet, and the ham was staying warm under tented tinfoil. Two pies had been placed in the reduced-temperature oven.

“That I can do,” said Jack. Bitty turned toward the rolls to place them inside a basket when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He handed the basket to Jack instead.

“I have to say,” began Suzanne to a table of five other adults stuffing their faces with Christmas dinner, “I know none of us wanted to spend our Christmas in a frat house during a blizzard, but this actually turned out very nice. I’m glad to have met you, Alicia.”

“You as well, Suzanne,” said Alicia. “It’s been a fun few days stuck here. It’s surprising what you Bittles can do with very little food in the house, not just what you can do for a wonderful Christmas meal.”

“You have to do what you can when you live in a Haus with four large hockey players,” said Bitty. “They eat everything.”

“Not everything,” said Jack.

“You eat everything,” replied Bitty. Jack rolled his eyes.

Dinner was delicious but the kitchen was a disaster once the families made short work of the food, including both pies. Once the final pie slice was consumed, Bitty stood to begin clearing the table, but Alicia stood instead and took the plates from his hands.

“Absolutely not,” she said. “You and Suzanne cooked a fabulous dinner for us. We’ll clean the kitchen. Jack, why don’t you start on the dishes?”

Bitty opened his mouth to begin to protest, but Suzanne directed him toward the hallway. “Come on upstairs and help me pack up for tomorrow. I’ve made a mess of your room.” Bitty closed his mouth and went upstairs with Coach and Suzanne. Coach nodded to Suzanne before he disappeared into Shitty’s room, which only made Bitty confused when he entered his room with his mother.

“What’s going on?” Bitty asked. Suzanne shut the door. “Okay, what’s going on?”

“I just wanted to talk to you, sweetie,” said Suzanne. She took her suitcase from the floor and placed it atop Bitty’s bed. “It’s been very nice getting to know Jack’s family. I had this idea in my head about Bob and Alicia, and of course I’ve met Bob before, but I still built them up. Forgot they were real people. They’re good people, though. They adore Jack… and Jack adores you.”

Bitty felt cold all over, much colder than when Jack pelted him in the face with a snowball.

“What are you talking about?” Bitty asked. His voice sounded very unlike his own.

Suzanne stepped forward and took his hand before she led him to the bed and sat him down. She sat next to him but didn’t let go of his hand. He was shaking; he could feel it. Her touch was gentle, meant to be comforting, but it didn’t help.

“When you wanted to come all the way up here for college, I was afraid I was going to lose you. Georgia’s just down the street from us, and you’d wanted to go there since you were little, but then when you made your decision, I remember questioning if I even knew you. You and I spent all of our time together; how did I not know why you wanted to leave? Since you’ve been here you’ve made all these friends, your hockey has improved so much, and you’ve grown into this beautiful young man. The day we moved you in I was so afraid I’d lose you, and in a way, I think I have.”

“Mama, no —”

“I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, sweetie,” said Suzanne. She brushed Bitty’s hair off his forehead and rested her hand on his cheek just for a moment before she let go. “You’ve grown up. You’re not my little boy anymore. That’s okay. But what’s not okay is how you feel like you can’t confide in me. And that’s my fault, for making you feel that way.”

It was too much; her kind eyes, her reassuring touch, her calm, lilting voice. He could feel the tears on his face before he could control them. Suzanne gave him a smile and squeezed his hand.

“Is it serious?” Suzanne asked. “Between you two?”

“What do you mean?” Bitty asked.

“Between you and Jack. Is it serious?”

“Is what serious?”

“Oh,” said Suzanne. She let go of Bitty’s hand, so he used it to wipe at the tears on his face. “Honey, you need to talk to him. He clearly loves you.”

“Mama, no. Jack’s not like that. He’s not… he’s not gay.” He didn’t want to look at her when he finally said the word so he hid behind the hand that was wiping his tears away.

“Sweetie,” said Suzanne, but it was not reassuring. He remembered this look from his childhood, that day when she and Coach sat him down to tell him there was no Santa Claus.

“He’s not! I’m just his liney. I’m just that kid who lives across the hall. He doesn’t see me like that.”

“Dicky, I’m not in here talking to you about this because I want to make you uncomfortable. I’m in here talking to you about this because I actually thought the two of you were together and I didn’t want you to hide it from me. It doesn’t look like I’m the one you two are hiding it from, though, am I?”

“Mother, I love you, but you don’t know Jack like I do. Please —” He took in a deep, shaky breath, afraid that he would begin crying again. “Please don’t give me false hope. Jack is so wonderful and I’m just me, and he’s not gay. He’s not. Don’t let me think that I have a chance with him when I know I don’t.”

“Dicky, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you felt this way.”

“I can’t talk about this anymore. I’m going to bed.”

“Dicky, it’s six o’clock.”

“I’m going to bed,” repeated Bitty. He crossed the room and the hallway and entered Jack’s room, shutting the door quickly behind him. When he turned around he noticed Jack for the first time; Jack stood up from the desk where he was staring at both of their robot figurines. 

Bitty jumped. “Jack!” he squeaked. “I thought you were downstairs doing dishes!”

“Bitty —”

“Did you hear what my mother and I were talking about?” Bitty asked, and just the thought of Jack overhearing even part of that conversation brought tears to his eyes. Jack was staring at him so intensely that he must have overheard and was trying to think of how to address it. Bitty backed into the door and reached for the handle, to run somewhere else, when Jack stepped forward, took Bitty’s face in his hands, and kissed him.

Whatever fear Bitty had felt walking into the room, whatever lingering emotion that he carried across the hall, all seemed to melt away as Jack’s lips moved quietly against his own. His heart had been beating so fast to find Jack in here, waiting for him, but it calmed in his chest because this had finally happened, and everything about it felt right. Jack held him with delicacy, moving one hand from Bitty’s cheek down to his waist to pull them together. Both of Bitty’s hands held the front of Jack’s sweater as their bodies aligned. Jack was so warm.

It was seconds, or minutes, or maybe even years, before Jack let go and stood upright again. Bitty looked up at him, at his hooded blue eyes, at the content look on his face.

“I’ve been a fool,” Jack whispered.

“How so?” Bitty asked.

“I didn’t realize this. You. How did I not realize this before?”

Bitty remembered his mother across the hall and tensed his fists in Jack’s sweater. “Did you hear what we said? In my room?” Bitty asked. Jack shook his head. “Really? Then why –”

“I was downstairs washing dishes with my parents. I wasn’t even through dinner plates when my dad asked ‘How long have you been in love with Eric?’”

Bitty couldn’t help the smile that crossed his lips; Jack was relentlessly staring at him and there was no way to hide it, but it didn’t matter. Jack was smiling too. Bitty rested his head on Jack’s chest and Jack’s warm, strong arms encompassed him.

“So how long have you been in love with me?” Bitty asked. Jack chuckled; the sound was deeper now that Bitty could hear it from so close.

“About ten minutes now,” Jack replied. “And also…also I guess forever.”

“Sounds about right,” said Bitty. “Just about forever.”

They stood there near the door in Jack’s room, holding each other tightly. Bitty had never felt so safe and secure anywhere else in his life. This was where he always wanted to be, and this is what he always wanted to feel.

“Stay in here with me tonight,” whispered Bitty. “Don’t sleep on that horrible couch again.”

“All right,” replied Jack.

“But no funny stuff, Mr. Zimmermann,” Bitty replied, pulling his head off Jack’s chest to look up at him again. “We are literally surrounded by parents.”

“No promises,” replied Jack. Bitty smacked Jack in the chest and Jack kissed him a second time. Bitty corrected his thought when Jack’s lips connected with his again; this was where he always wanted to be, and this was what he always wanted to feel. He had no intention of letting go.

 

***

 

They awoke together in the morning, Jack holding Bitty from behind. When Bitty opened his eyes the first thing he saw was their figurines on the desk; the baker was offering his little metal pie to the hockey player, and the hockey player’s stick was out to receive it. Bitty glanced over his shoulder at Jack, who watched him with doe-eyed endearment.

“Good morning,” Jack whispered.

“Good morning,” Bitty replied.

Bitty turned in the bed to curl up to Jack’s bare chest. Jack wound his arms around Bitty’s body to pull him closer; Bitty breathed him in and they lay silently together in the bed. Then, Bitty remembered their plans.

“You have to leave today,” Bitty said. “I just got you.”

“You’ve always had me, Bitty,” Jack said. “It’ll just be a few weeks before I’m back. I’ll text you. We can talk about what just happened here.”

“Lord, what did just happen here?” Bitty asked.

There had been kissing the night before, and a lot of it, until they fell asleep in Jack’s bed. If Jack’s parents needed clean pajamas, neither of them knocked on the door to ask. No one had bothered them. It was peaceful.

“I don’t know,” said Jack, “but this feels right.”

“Yeah, it does.”

Jack tilted Bitty’s chin upward and their lips met, slow and quiet and as calm as the morning light. Before anything could escalate, a tentative knock sounded at the door.

“Jack,” said Bob. Bitty could hear the reluctance just in the single word. “We’re leaving for the airport in a little bit.”

When Bitty let go and opened his eyes, Jack looked sad. Bitty didn’t like it; he rested his hand on Jack’s cheek and Jack planted a kiss on his palm.

“I’ll be down in a minute,” called Jack. He looked at Bitty again. “I gotta go.”

“Okay,” said Bitty.

They got out of the bed. Jack entered the bathroom and closed the door behind him. Bitty picked up the hockey robot from the desk and held it close to him. When the door opened and Jack reappeared, he looked down at the figurine in Bitty’s hand.

“Do you need to keep it?” Jack asked.

“And you take the baker?” Bitty asked. Jack nodded. “Bring it back. I think they want to be together.”

“I think they do,” replied Jack. He took the baker from Bitty but then held onto both of Bitty’s hands. “I gotta go, but I’ll text you, okay?”

“Okay,” said Bitty again.

Bitty stared longingly into Jack’s eyes. Jack pulled him close again and kissed him one more time. Jack finally let go and backed away to the door. Jack opened it and looked at Bitty before saying one more time, “I’ll text you.”

“Okay,” replied Bitty a third time. He watched Jack leave. Once he was gone, Bitty clutched the hockey robot in his right hand and collapsed onto a chair. The door across the hall opened and Suzanne met his gaze.

Bitty smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stop by [my tumblr](http://foryouandbits.tumblr.com/) and say hi!


End file.
